Civil Servant's Heart

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Never be afraid
to show compassion over judgment...

Funny how this tattoo image looks more like something ancient, say, a Grecian Urn? I love the strength and power coming through it, emblazoned by the fiery yellow. This shows a person of intense willpower, a fighter. The sort of person who would wear this image is interested in social justice, exploring ways to help one's self or others fight for their rights at all costs.

The key of course, is about what's going on in the person's heart. If it is vice, chances are efforts will be sabotaged, or backfire. In this case, the person is pushing too hard by being mentally stubborn. So chances are, he or she is running on anger, panic, or defensiveness, and turning people off - shutting them down. People don't listen to panic and defense; they try to take action, or avoid you, instead.

There was a day you really hated someone; but in spite of that, they came through for you.

There was a day you felt betrayed by someone; but later they returned and helped.

There was a time you refused to cooperate, only afterwards realizing, you must change.

The heart is all about taking us out of our attitudes, into a higher vibration.

It's called Law of Attraction.

So, a responsible civil servant has an intimate need for understanding compassion. Judgment is a hard thing to cope with and work through. Sure, we need our private ways of using discretion to keep the nasties from hurting us; but we don't need to be jerks about it. Everyone has to do what they do to put the Scales of Justice back into balance; but if we are confused, lost, irrational, there are people out there to help us. Not everyone is an enemy. Who was the first person to judge? Or was it just a sense or a feeling we were given that blocked the way? Sometimes, when we are not getting compassion, we have to ask for it.

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Dear God, show me the way
to replace my judgment with compassion,
starting with myself.
If I have been walking around in knee-jerk reactions,
easily taking offense to everything going on,
help me rise above the paranoia.
Keep me surrounded by Angels, Dear God,
until I get through this.
Please help to make this passage quick!
Amen.

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Soldier Boy Heart

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This is an outline for a tattoo, I thought was cool...

"Freedom is not free."

Well, okay, it makes me think of Solider Boy. I like the royal emblem going across the front, ready for anything you want on it. I like the freedom-wings. And how about it? The sword inducting the heart into service by its first little drop of blood.

I pray for our soldiers and the lives they are conducting, and for their rapid and safe return home. I find it strange to consider the idea that war is a business, that young men and women are sent into the battlefields not once, but several times. Let's hope we can bring our troops home soon.

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Help us, God,
to move into the fields of compassion.
Give us opportunities
to create shifts and possibilities
for more compassion in the United States,
so we can bring our people home.
Help us to be safe keepers
of our brothers and sisters,
and harbor new ways
of making things whole
where souls have been broken.
In Your Name, Jesus, I ask.
Amen.


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New Army Suicides Match Civilian Levels

By John Gever, Senior Editor, MedPage Today
Published: February 06, 2009

ARLINGTON, Va., Feb. 6 -- The number of suicides among active-duty and reserve Army personnel continues to grow, according to statistics released by the Pentagon.

Last week, the Army announced that 128 soldiers committed suicide in 2008. Both the absolute number and the rate -- 20.2 per 100,000 -- were the highest in decades.

For the first time since the Vietnam War, that rate matched the civilian level, after adjusting for age and sex, the Army's data showed.

The 2008 figures -- which already represent the fourth consecutive year of growth -- could go even higher after investigations are completed in 15 additional deaths.

And January figures suggest the rate is accelerating. The Army has confirmed seven suicides last month and is investigating 17 additional suspicious deaths.

The final count is expected to surpass the number of combat deaths in January, which reached 16 among all branches of the military.

Although officials said 15-month deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan play a role in the suicide increase, they do not appear to be the whole story. Only about a quarter of the suicides took place in the war zones.

The Army's vice chief of staff has promised "to move quickly to do everything we can to reverse the very disturbing number of suicides we have."

Last year, civilian mental health officials warned of a "gathering storm" of suicides among returning Iraq and Afghanistan veterans.

Several studies have indicated that fewer than half of active-duty soldiers and veterans with serious psychiatric conditions seek help from the military or the VA.

The Army itself has admitted that its culture tends to stigmatize personnel who seek mental health treatment.

Later this month, it will begin a month-long "stand-down" during which soldiers will receive training for peer-level recognition of behaviors that may lead to suicidal behavior, along with intervention at the buddy level.

It will be followed by a chain-teaching program focused on suicide prevention, scheduled to take place through mid-June.

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Amazon Heart

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Only a certain woman could wear a design like this.

"I give freedom the meaning it has for me."

This is a huge design, signifying a person
who is very autonomous and giving at the same time.
Someone who is able to create a life of her own volition,
and still have faith in other human beings...
Putting her devotion to a spiritual life at the forefront.
Never accepting anything less than what her own standards require, she knows how to walk away from situations, people, dogmas and thought-forms that do not empower her.
She only participates in the things she loves.
She loves deeply.


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Um, yeah... Well, I was watching the boob-tube the other day... (Here in America, some of us call the television the "boob" tube... Because people sit in front of it for long hours, forgetting who or what they are. So we just become "boobs".) Uh, yea...

Anyhoo, there was a woman on TV who was a matchmaker, and she was talking about how women shouldn't have sex with a guy on the first date. She said, that's a big no-no.

The reason, she explained, is that once women make love with someone, they exude a hormone that makes them fall in love. At that point, someone on the panel (a young man) laughed and said "no wonder all my dates stalk me!" He modestly looked down, then blew with his lips on his hand, to shine-up his fingernails.

Sure.

Why not?

But later in the afternoon I got to thinking about it and had a vision of a huge backlash happening with women who are, say, between the ages of 25-40 right now. You know, there are a lot of women out there who would like to have some real intimacy in their lives? And I'm not talkin' about the kind Madonna got from Guy Ritchie. Or the kind Madonna is getting from Jesus Luz. Or the kind Madonna used to get from What's His Face - Sean Penn? And who else?

I think it may be possible that double-standard boys will drive women away all-together. I mean, I saw Madonna's next album in my mind: it will be all about how she loves having sex with another woman.

She loves putting her button (or whatever she uses) on the pulse of that kind of thing, doesn't she? Hasn't she had sex with just about everyone? But I don't think she's made an album about being a lesbian. I'm sure it's due!

Anyway... Guys out there, I'm tellin' it like it is. Women do things like fall in love; in fact, we're all about it. Are you missing out on us? You don't really like to do anything unless it is fun? And women don't like to do much unless they can totally fall in love with it. That's just how we're made.

This is my hypothesis: this love-hormone thing is the reason why everyone loves lesbians!

Lesbians are everywhere, all over the internet, esp, and - wow! I mean, I'm not a lesbian but even my psychologist asked if I'd ever think about it???

He said men are so screwed up these days. Not really emotionally available. Not able to make a decision and stand on it without getting queazy - noncommittal, he said. And then there are a lot of men out there that are just plain in a rut, and tired. (Those are the types I meet - the ones that need, more like a nursemaid than a lover.)

So he wanted to know - had I thought about it? Well, it's a big political move, for sure. Yes, I thought about it.

I think I scare both men and women because I can see right into their souls.

I think I'm happier just being here, with my computer.

So... I wonder? Are we living vicariously through the love-hormone, when we're checking out photos of some lesbian-action on the internet?

Just wondering, that's all.

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I guess this is a good spot to write a little about female ejaculation...

Women are finally catching on to the fact we can both orgasm from the vagina, and ejaculate from the clitoris. It's only taken a few millenniums (or five) to get past our subjugation and figure it out again.

In some cultures women are still being placed into arranged marriages... After having their outer genital regions circumcised. This is done in order to "please" the husbands. (And you said you weren't happy to be an American.)

Women can do things like orgasm. That information was a huge breakthrough sometime during the 1970's, when the pill became a sexual revolution in this country.

Now, everything is shifting again... Because you see, women have also learned, finally, we can ejaculate.

And shame on you women doctors out there that say we can't! Start googling it on the internet however you can. You'll find websites on how to pleasure yourself... You'll also see arguments from female doctors are stymieing. The only reason I can speculate is, they don't want you to know this information or they haven't experienced it for themselves... Or perhaps it would revolutionize the entire medical profession? I think Christine Northrup is the only doctor out there discussing it!

You see, we can heal ourselves by learning how to raise the flow of our hormones and ejaculate. I don't think doctors want you to know that? If you can learn how to pleasure yourself - to the point of ejaculation? You can also get a lot more blood to your brain - and that's important. More importantly, this kind of fluid-flow is crucial to keeping a healthy heart. Is it any wonder more women than men suffer from heart disease?

In general, men seem to have more energy, better eyesight and ability to see things at a farther range, brains that seem to be stronger and more resilient to stress than females. Men breathe more deeply whereas females tend to be shallow breathers. I think it's because guys ejaculate all the time; they have a better flow of hormonal washings going through the entirety of their bodies... Whereas females are struggling with that.

I am saying, these are the times of the final revolutions... Where all information and resources we need are coming right into our hands, minds and bodies. (Please see my other posts on the Orgasmic Hearts and Golden Hearts)

The clitoris has be exercised. It's possible to purchase a small clamp that can be used on the clitoris; it is used to move it outward with a pulling motion, until it can toughen-up and begins to protrude, becoming more erect. The other key is to be able to relax your body (as opposed to tightening the body and vaginal channel, as you would during orgasm). You've got to learn how to allow relaxation, so you can let your fluids flow. If you do happen to have a sensitive male lover, perhaps he can be helpful in teaching you to relax, let go and release. Otherwise, you might have some fun in teaching yourself?

You'll feel better for it.

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Question: Who or What is Messin' with ya?


I had a gnarly experience with some mold the other day... It got me thinking about some of the junk I see on the internet. People online are "all-up-into-it". There are a lot of jokes about he's just "not that into" you, he's "all up into" you, what are you "into", what's "into" you...

Most of the joking is sexual. It got me a little messed-up.

I started thinking, perhaps all disease originates with sexually transmitted stuff? Like herpes, syphilis, HIV. I tend to think in terms of everything being interconnected.

The other day one of my tenants called me down to her apartment. She said she was dealing with a mold infestation... Taking me back to her closet, I noticed several boxes on the floor; these were all covered with lime-green fuzz. I immediately held my breath.

"Would you take a look at this?" She pulled the lid off a box of shoes. Inside rested a beautiful pair of patent-leather heels... Covered with huge, giant-sized balls of mold. Lime green, day-glo and fuzzy; about the size of golf balls! Off each one hung several long HAIRS, 3-4 inches each! I almost barfed. Of course, she's been keeping that apartment like a sweat-box... She had to throw out all her shoes.

But my God!!! That mold was a nightmare!

Like something you'd see on LSD!

It amazed me how the mold seemed to be LOVING to grow on something like DEAD SKIN.

It got me thinking about how, in ancient times? People saw that kind of thing growing on dead bodies all the time.

I mean, we live in such hygienic environment... It's rare to see anything like that. If we cannot see what's going on, growing inside our bodies, do we even think about it?!

And yet I've witnessed joking on the internet that would show otherwise...

How some people see other people's bodies as being nothing more than say, an empty vehicle to get-off-into. Something like a suitcase.

Wouldn't you think that is all the more reason to start watching the body language of others, the language of what is going on in their environments? What they do, their intentions behind what they do, so much more than what they say?

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Question: And Why does Sex have to be so Messy?

I'm pretty sure it was earlier in the day I'd been watching a feature on the Tyra Show... I think it was something about, what are men "into"?

Several guys mentioned they preferred to have their women come to their place for sex. They said it was more convenient, because there, they have access to things like their own shower, their own towels, etc. Ejaculation is messy business. I wonder what their mattresses are like? What kind of condition those are in?

"And then I can just tell the woman - it's time for you to go..." a guy explained with a wave of his thumb.

Well brothers, I got news for ya: ejaculation can be just as messy for women. There might be a few of us who aren't interested in sharing that information with you. We might not be into-it quite yet. (I mean, we can ejaculate too. And who wouldn't like to have a few items, like say, like some nice clean, mold-free towels? And some baby-wipes on hand?)

You see, the women were having a Tyra moment out there... All upset about - why does he jump up and run away, right after he ejaculates?

Because it's messy... That's why, Ladies.

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Passion Heart

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This is another great tattoo,
full of life,
movement and expression.

"Freedom is an Illusion."

That's why we feel we have to do things like tattoo images on our bodies... Carve our names and PhD's into some sort of project, worthy of marking it's place in history, and time.

But our hearts
are in the constant process
of keeping the real records...
I like the stars surrounding the heart in this image.
They remind me,
we are connected to Heaven, for real.


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"It is no benefit in loving only those who love you.
Great benefit comes by loving those who hate you."

- Jesus, the Gospel of the Egyptians

"You will only become free by loving those who hate you."

- Buddha

"Do not dismiss those who are evil as unworthy. If you are wise, you will save all men."

- The Tao

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There is no need to align yourself with someone who creates abuse in your life. If you feel you must do this, sit down and make some lists around WHY and WHY NOT. This is a way to get aligned, instead, with your truth, your true intention, your true love.

You can still love someone, even at a distance. Love knows no bounds. Love is boundless; love is about loving yourself and liking yourself enough to stop giving your power away to a dead-end.

All pain is, in fact, nothing more than a dead-end.

The choice remains with you, as to whether or not you wish to stay with that dead-end or let go, and let God.

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Martyr's Heart

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The Martyr's Heart is a Heart that Never Forgets

Another fascinating tattoo, this image shows the crucifix coming through the heart as a stake! The thorns of the heart are suspended as a kind of "halo" around the puncture wound. Here, our hard lessons of pain become our crowning glory, the things that shape and define us if we so choose. Yes, then it is possible to become a bleeding heart in life... For we must otherwise make the commitment to let the past die.

The type of soul who would be attracted to this design has had many lifetimes of being martyred, perhaps even innate memories of being suspended next to Jesus, or being with Jesus during His hours on the cross at Calvary. Perhaps this person's consciousness is blocked, missing the true redemption of Christ's Resurrection.



This personality must be careful not to inflict his or her victim attitude into the environment, for it becomes an endless circle (the thorns) of futility.

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I'll Never Let You Forget

Perhaps
if you loved me a little more
we wouldn't be
in this predicament.
After all I have sacrificed -
all I have done
for you.
And what good is it?
When you are a repeat offender
coming back time and again
only to use
and take advantage of
my kindness?
My back aches
and my wrists don't work,
my feet are locked and won't move...
But I will try
to help you, anyway.
I'll never let you forget
me.

I should learn to say no,
but you would go
out of your way
to haunt me,
pester me with your pleading
'til I am nothing more
than a bleeding
mess.
Even still?
I'll take you back.

It feels good
to reduce to you a beggar.

It feels good
to make myself feel better
by keeping you dependent...

Coaxing, prompting
enticing you to be anything
but brave.

I'll never let you forget me...

For I Am the Master here!
And you, my naive one,
(so naive)!
Are my slave.

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All-Consuming Heart

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Here is another interesting tattoo I found on the web... As I began to photoshop the image, I found myself contemplating the spiritual meaning behind the idea of an All-Consuming Heart. I think of this as an All-Consuming Heart, because it is simply taking too much energy into itself. So at a very basic level, it is burning itself out, from the inside out.


Here in the first sample, the heart is showing some health and vibrancy in it's color, however it is evident the heart is trying as best as it can to manage various levels of stress.

Again, in some alternative forms of healing, we look at what is going on with the "chi", or the energetic of the heart. As you can see, it is a little blocked at the top where the flames of power are barely able to keep the blood-flow going; it's wings are spread, but barely uplifted or moving.

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Now, with a little change in colorization (which looks more like the original tattoo design) you can witness the degenerate aspects of a heart under a lot of stress. For one thing, the thorns around the heart become more prominent, making the design look tighter, more squeezed. The blood-flow, the chi, are becoming blocked to where there is not enough blood circulating through the heart, and it's wings have become heavy. (Of course, this is all symbolism.) It is an interesting metaphor for what we can do to our hearts with different levels of stress.

Heart-stress can come, for example, by just trying to manage stress. Some people will use caffeine as a quick-resort to making a shift in the energy there. Caffeine actually has the effect of tightening the chi-flow even more. This not only begins to create a shut-down in the heart, it also affects the integrity of the muscles around the heart... To the extent that a person begins to pressure down on their own bodies, physically, with their arms and shoulders, to try and get some feeling of control. This is dangerous. It can result in things like a locked-up neck and jaw, and also paralysis, if not tended to.

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The best thing for a heart in this condition is... Surround yourself with positive people. Begin the process of clearing the negative junk out of your environment... Including bad relationships; people and situations that seem to hold you back; old clutter, things that keep you locked to the past.

Check out your environment for any possible thing that might be causing allergies. If it's your cat, find your cat a new home. Maybe it's time quit that job? If your boss is a big old bitch, go work at MacDonald's. Find another major in college. Change to a better adviser. See if you can get help at home with the children. Say "no" to your adult children who are just using you for money. Insist they move out.

Start asking God about how to release your guilt. Seek professional help around how to get free of your guilt.

Think about a total change of lifestyle. Start cutting back on the over-load by getting lots of sleep, lots of rest, and lots of fresh air. This heart is screaming for some real attention!

Choose to stop participating in things you don't enjoy.

Choose to let people know you refuse to participate in any conversations that invade your privacy or process.

Get clear.

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God, help me to become more aware of when I am over-tasking myself.
Give me the courage to let go, and let You take over!
I trust You to help me be a good steward of my own heart, Jesus. Amen.


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Wounded Heart

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This image is adapted from a photo of a tattoo... The original painting is on one of the albums by The Cure. I call it the Wounded Heart.

The wounded heart has just witnessed and experienced something horrific; an event or an impact that has damaged its neurotransmitters and opened an inner-eye of awareness, rendering it to be forever changed.

As I contemplate this heart, what comes to mind are the effects of the atrocities of war we are subjected to every day. Whether that war is national, global, ethnic, "terrorist", or happening behind our backs in the office, through parental abuse or neglect, or through the political arenas of our civilian lives as gross and unjust discrimination, we FEEL it. We SEE it.

We may not know it or participate in it directly, but we are changed by it. The wounded heart comes to us with a certain level awareness, one that gets carved in our hearts, leaving complex scars and deeply-resonant surges of pain, regret, guilt, even sado-masochism. Trends which may, for the most part, never get resolved unless we get professional help.

Many children growing up during the events of World War II, the bombing of Pearl Harbor, and the radioactive atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki by America, are our parents, grandparents, great-grandparents today. (And let us not forget the "accident" at Chernobyl, in 1986...) These little children also grew up with comedy shows and "slap-stick" such as Laurel and Hardy and The Three Stooges... Where the characters were slapping, hitting, beating each other with sticks and/or running over each other with cars, trucks and ladders, essentially creating their "comedy" at the expense of someone else. Over time, we have come to see the consciousness behind this sort of humor is sadistic.

Children growing up in the 1940's quickly learned it was considered "cute" to be a pugnacious little brat. (Thinking this behavior is normal, we have also turned around and reinforced it in our own children. After all, we grew up with Bugs Bunny! Great cartoons, but cartoons, nevertheless, and often obnoxious.) Is Seinfeld a sadistic comedy? It has gone along in another vein, showing us how our self-interest can be stupid, vain, self-defeating, and also sadistic. Comedy and tragedy! What makes Jerry Seinfeld a great comedian is his background, and his sense of the absurd.

OK... My point is, some of these children from the Hiroshima Generation have never grown up.

Many often consider the need to get psychological help as being a sign of weakness. At the same time, we are dealing with an epidemic of Americans who are addicted to prescription medications. Not realizing people are often placed on these medications long-term (so they can die), they blindly trust their doctors - because their hearts are closed.

Their hearts are closed, and it is too painful to feel one's own feelings. (Feeling your own feelings would require you to wake-up.)

And we wonder why the hearts of our parents are hardened they way they are... Why it is, their eyes seem to be closed in denial to the pain of other people, and why it is that war continues and thrives to be the "norm". Living in an era where we have so much access to information and education, is it acceptable?

Is it OK to treat ourselves and other living beings as if we are disposable?

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Dear God,
teach me how to be wiser, act smarter,
learn more and open more
to new information, ideas and education.
Keep me from trespassing
over other living beings, intentionally or in ignorance.
Guide me to have the courage
to reach out for professional help.
Teach me how to walk softly
and move gently with this Wounded Heart,
Dear Jesus.
Amen.

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Sometimes I Don’t Know What To Feel
Lyrics by Todd Rundgren

Sometimes I don’t know,
I just don’t know what to feel.

Sometimes I don’t know what to feel...
Everything I thought that I knew
starts to look so unreal!
There’s a ringing in my head
that keeps me awake at night.
Sometimes I don’t know what is right!
Today I saw a car crush my little dog
under it’s wheel...
It did not even stop,
it just sped off - and out of sight!

Sometimes I just feel so afraid,
But I know that no one else has it made...
So if I just believe in myself -
I won’t need no help from nobody else
and I can make it alone.
And everything will be cool.

I got to keep on keepin’ on...
There’s nothing else I can do!

Sometimes I don’t know what to do!
Someone said the world’s going to end -
and I think it’s true.
I thought there was some love in the world
But I guess I’m wrong.
Sometimes I just feel so alone!
I don’t want to admit to my friends
that I feel confused.
I wonder what I’d do with myself
if the world was gone?
Something makes me stay on my feet.
Don’t you dare admit to defeat!

And if I tell myself it’s all right -
I can comfort myself through the night.
And watch another day dawn...
And everything will be cool...

c)Warner-Tamerlane Publishing Corp; Humanoid Music

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Beating Heart

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There are some great tattoos of Sacred Hearts out there on the web!

Here's one I photo-shopped. I thought it was so gorgeous with all the blue action going through it. Then I realized, this is the "Beating Heart", because initially our blood is blue, as it's going through the vein system of our bodies.

Non-traditional, or alternative healers will often look at the vein system in people who are in pain, to see where the blood is getting blocked. This is how they can get to the negative chi inside someone. This heart is a a healthy one.

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I recently had a healing session with a woman who practices a form of Tui Na. To my dismay, we discovered my tonsil was paralyzed, pulling on the muscles above my heart, not allowing blood to get through! All this time (for over 4 years) I thought there was something "wrong" with my heart... When all my heart was trying to do was just "trying"...
(It just goes to show what a soldier your heart can be.)

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God, help us not to be destructive about how we handle our hearts, or the hearts of others...
It's karma,
and it always comes back on us.


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