Golden Heart

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The golden light of this heart
is the heartbeat of Mother Nature...
It represents our life force energy fully ignited.

As we connect to the planet through the food we eat for sustenance, and to one another for friendship and compassion, our energy can become golden light. We can receive this light by meditating in the sun, allowing light to flow into our bodies, also contemplating the relationship of Earth's gold to lead. We can "plug" into the center of the Earth during meditation, and draw Her fire up into our hearts through our breathing. I love to go and lay somewhere where the rocks or the sands are warm.

We can change the rate of our pulse and blood-flow by tapping into Mother Earth's gold. We can perform martial arts, heal the sick, shift-shape and travel through time...

The more we do this, the more we learn how to experience our bodies as "Soul Spaceships", so to speak.

Our bodies are putting out energetic messages all the time, and it is not just all about being "sexual". This is where some people are very messed up. Don't let anyone mess with you anymore in this arena.

I don't like to discuss it too much because people pervert things. If you start asking people how they feel about their bodies, of course they will relate to their pain or their sexuality. In other words, most people are walking around, seeing their bodies as being nothing more than containers... (As if our bodies are no more useful than a suitcase?! There's something wrong with that kind of thinking.)


My point is this: people don't just communicate with one another in words, we also do it through our body language.

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There are so many people out there practicing a kind of black magic with their body language... They don't even know they're doing it. They may think they are speaking in great truths? But they are not effective because their physical bodies are putting out a different message. If they are spiritual people who seek to understand their own intentions, yet they do this? Something is wrong.

An old woman I know likes to follow her friends to restaurants... Then she will just sit there without paying or leaving a tip. She will fold her hands under her arms and stare off into space, helplessly, with her lips buttoned. So then, her friends always foot the bill, or end up buying an entree' to share, enabling her while she sits there... Sending off a message to everyone in the place that she's "poor". This way, restaurant owners feel sorry for her.

She recently accused my friends of "not loving" her. Yet in knowing her (for 20 years now), I have observed she has never really been able to receive love! She is one of these people who runs away, darting left to right, always clutching her poisoned apple under her cloak... (Like all she really wants is to be enabled in her poverty-mentality.) I think this junk has made her heart grow small.

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The ancient teachings of alchemy were shown to direct us to the healing power of gold. Gold is a metaphor used for literally shifting the leaden blocks in our blood to lighter matter, and for healing and removing the gravity (lead) in our hearts. In this way, we build chi, or energy. We can meditate with, and use this gold light energy to connect to others. All we have to do is allow gold light to flow into our hearts whenever we want or need it!

We can also sit and meditate with a piece of gold.

The feeling is the kind of lightness you feel in your heart when you are in love.

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Jesus Laughing

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I had a teacher who used to say, we are not here on Earth for ourselves. In fact the anagram for "Earth" is "Heart". So she used to say, we are living here on Planet Heart.

Everyone searches for a reason to be alive, don't they? We run into all kinds of diversions as we go along, because here on Earth, we're in Life School. We get to keep repeating the same lessons over and over again, remember? We have to, until we learn them. Once we learn them, they are written inside us.

Relationships, however, are a little more complicated. For one thing, we left the Garden of Eden to experience things like choice-making and free-will. Are we getting it, God?

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The challenge is to see how every person is a brother or a sister; by befriending them in such a way, we might find something more. We might learn something about ourselves! We cannot ever really know ourselves unless it is through another human being. Isn't it ironic?

Sometimes it is not always possible to help someone or talk with them. Either way, we should pray for ourselves and the people we care about. Don't leave someone in the dark. If you need to postpone a conversation for a week to get them to think, do it. But don't abandon anyone if you know you can help them see the light. Try and empower others with tools and information and resources, if they let you. They are another You.

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I'm a big fan of Judge Judy. I think she rocks! I love how she gets into session and starts asking 20-questions. I love when how, someone tries to speak-over her, and she'll holler back - "I get to ask the questions here!" I think it's cool how she can catch anyone in a lie! Whenever I invoke my Inner Judge Judy? You can bet someone around me is breakin' the law.

Of course, when you are dealing with someone like Judge Judy? The intensity is deflating. There are some women out there with really negative or intense "inner-Judge-Judy's", ready to emasculate the first guy who comes along. Then she'll use your balls for ping-pong, boys.

You see many of us as being cougars and pythons?! Beware!

Because if you are one of those double-standard boys out there, playing the game of He's Just Not That Into You, you might go for one of us "older" babes.

Just be forewarned and wary: we'll be looking for what you believe in, and we will challenge you from every angle on it. We'll want to know from you about what it means to be a friend. We'll be asking you about your views on the differences between love and sex.

We weren't born yesterday, and we won't trust you or endure your foolishness and double-speak. We already know you're working with a forked-tongue and an f'd-up mind. We will work the 20-question-methods in order to squeeze the life out of you. Then? We'll suck out your brains. We'll leave you, pulsing in a husk, on the freeway of your life.

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Dang! Must I always be so punitive?

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Having gone through most of my life accounting for every stuck-fart on paper or otherwise, to every authority I've ever known... I've always hated that. I sometimes refuse to apologize for my bad attitude. Let's face it, most of the real compassion I've received in my life has been from the opposite sex. I'm meeting a lot of men who are more sensitive and active as fathers than their wives are as mothers. (But golly, there isn't anyone I haven't met who doesn't have "issues".)

Aren't people supposed to be presumed innocent until they are like, tried in a court of law?

I spent a lot of my career wondering - what did I do? Deeply questioning and searching the possibility that somehow I must be a bad person? Because I was educated by nuns, and always worked for punitive a-holes. That's where I learned all this!

So the other day a friend of mine (who is 30 years younger than me) pointed out - "why don't you try Mr. Rogers?"

I didn't think he meant it so literally. But as we began to talk, he simply said he learned during his life in the orphanage... People simply don't listen. And a lot of time they don't even want to. So he began to use Mr. Rogers as his role model.

Here we are, angling around one another's body languages... Twinging and latching onto other people's souls as if they are suitcases (not spaceships).

"If you don't want to be punitive, or sound punitive, I would recommend talking like Mr. Rogers," he said.

"Start by introducing what you want to say in 'I' and 'me' terms... Try telling them a couple of times. Then, if that doesn't work? Then do the Judge Judy."

Well, unfortunately, I missed out on Mr. Rogers somehow. (But he's still airing on PBS.) My friend had to teach me to say a few things like this:

"My feelings are hurt when you blame me for the mold on your shoes."

Believe me, I am gritting my teeth all the way...

"Wow, it scares everyone in the building when you slam the door like that..."

"Gee, I can't talk fast enough when you keep interrupting me. It makes me feel anxious..."

I'm getting the hang of it!

And also asking more questions instead of being accusing or blaming, like:

"Yikes! It's hard to laugh when you are hitting my grocery cart with your grocery cart. Is this supposed to be funny?!"

WHY?

I am learning more to ask "why?"

Instead of being like Judge Judy, and saying something like: "I don't wish to participate in discussions about my personal business!" I can ask: "WHY is it important for you to want to discuss my personal business?" and "Why must I participate in this discussion?" and "Why isn't dating you any fun anymore?"

I think I'm getting it...

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"I'm just a soul the on the planet;
I'm trying to do good, be good, feel good..."

-Meshell Ndegeocello
"The World Has Made Me the Man of My Dreams"

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Medicated Heart

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This image is of an "inflamed" heart. As you can see, it is swollen; the dark clouds around it could represent congestion or depression. Because of the swelling, it is fiery; the sort of heart that is aching for relief.

Also, I think it is interesting to consider, the thorns around the heart are full of dis-ease. So as you can see, a crucifix is coming down into the heart, to give it some relief. This crucifix is a Gift from God. Certainly, it could be the discovery of some new sort of medication, much needed for the situation. For without this help, the muscles of the heart and above the heart would begin to contract and become knotted. That's already happening here.

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This image below is
a typical depiction of a Sacred Heart,
being inducted by God's Gift.

As you can see, there's a weeping "eye" in there... It is closed and resting.

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I am very lucky to know many people from various cultures, who have blessed me with their knowledge and resources. This is how I found my Tui Na healer. She works on the farthest reaches of the city, and I must go far to see her. She learned her skill in Vietnam. Because she is not a licensed practitioner, she only takes donations. There is a kindness about her I see in very few people. Even though she is younger than me, there is something about her that reminds me of my mother, when Mom was young and loving. She is sincere and very cute, with freckles on her face.


"I only help the people as long as they are in pain," she explained. "Then I tell them, no more, because I get afraid..."

"Of course," I said. "You would have to stop working on them... Because people should learn how to take care of themselves. If they are in pain, they will respect you. If they are no longer in pain, they will just use you."

This looks like how I feel before a session...
(See how Lon Chaney also has a bit of a sinus problem?)

Then she gets on top of me with her entire body weight... She begins to knead the paralysis out of my face and neck with her knuckles. Pushing it slowly, like stiff, frozen meat, down through the chi lines of my arm or leg, she takes it out through my fingers and toes.

The toe-part is the most painful! She will grab me by the pinkie, pick me up, and shake my entire body by the pinkie, beating me against the floor while I am screaming "ow!! ow!! ow!!" After which she "breaks" it out of me. The suddenly all the paralysis goes "snap" - out of my pinkie toe - and is gone, forever.

Perhaps "ow!" is the universal language? Or have I got it all wrong? (It's supposed to be "Om", not "Ow!")

So far I have had 6 half-hour sessions with Loi. Early this year, we were surprised to find, my tonsil was paralyzed. It was pulling on all the muscles above my heart. It was putting pressure on my brain.

When she went in and got all that stuff out of me, I wept bitterly. I just couldn't believe how much hatred and anger I was holding there.

How is it, my doctors could not detect any of that?

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Lord, I've got to be careful about not liking doctors... It's giving me a bad attitude! I was stressed out during that last pap-smear, God. The doctor was so up-tight!! She was making her assistant nervous; the assistant was shaking, then she couldn't get the sample into the sample jar. Then, the doctor later bawled me out for talking to her assistant. (I'm not sure I should go back.) It's too bad for them I have some standards, Lord!

Please give me some guidance on this... No one is quite like that great Japanese residential doctor I had! He was handsome! He also smelled like apple blossoms. At least, Jesus, he had a clue as to what was wrong! He was kind, he was professional. He was a great listener, attentive and sweet. Remember when I made him cookies...? He said he couldn't accept them, for professional reasons. Still, he was honest at all times. He put his ego aside and actually admitted to the limitations he had, as a medical scientist. He gave me options and alternatives. Everyone at the hospital adored him, Jesus; it was because he is adorable. I watched him Lord... He treated everyone equally, with the same respect and dignity.

Help me, Jesus, to uphold this criteria for anyone who needs to get all-up into my life. Amen.

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All-Consuming Heart

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Here is another interesting tattoo I found on the web... As I began to photoshop the image, I found myself contemplating the spiritual meaning behind the idea of an All-Consuming Heart. I think of this as an All-Consuming Heart, because it is simply taking too much energy into itself. So at a very basic level, it is burning itself out, from the inside out.


Here in the first sample, the heart is showing some health and vibrancy in it's color, however it is evident the heart is trying as best as it can to manage various levels of stress.

Again, in some alternative forms of healing, we look at what is going on with the "chi", or the energetic of the heart. As you can see, it is a little blocked at the top where the flames of power are barely able to keep the blood-flow going; it's wings are spread, but barely uplifted or moving.

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Now, with a little change in colorization (which looks more like the original tattoo design) you can witness the degenerate aspects of a heart under a lot of stress. For one thing, the thorns around the heart become more prominent, making the design look tighter, more squeezed. The blood-flow, the chi, are becoming blocked to where there is not enough blood circulating through the heart, and it's wings have become heavy. (Of course, this is all symbolism.) It is an interesting metaphor for what we can do to our hearts with different levels of stress.

Heart-stress can come, for example, by just trying to manage stress. Some people will use caffeine as a quick-resort to making a shift in the energy there. Caffeine actually has the effect of tightening the chi-flow even more. This not only begins to create a shut-down in the heart, it also affects the integrity of the muscles around the heart... To the extent that a person begins to pressure down on their own bodies, physically, with their arms and shoulders, to try and get some feeling of control. This is dangerous. It can result in things like a locked-up neck and jaw, and also paralysis, if not tended to.

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The best thing for a heart in this condition is... Surround yourself with positive people. Begin the process of clearing the negative junk out of your environment... Including bad relationships; people and situations that seem to hold you back; old clutter, things that keep you locked to the past.

Check out your environment for any possible thing that might be causing allergies. If it's your cat, find your cat a new home. Maybe it's time quit that job? If your boss is a big old bitch, go work at MacDonald's. Find another major in college. Change to a better adviser. See if you can get help at home with the children. Say "no" to your adult children who are just using you for money. Insist they move out.

Start asking God about how to release your guilt. Seek professional help around how to get free of your guilt.

Think about a total change of lifestyle. Start cutting back on the over-load by getting lots of sleep, lots of rest, and lots of fresh air. This heart is screaming for some real attention!

Choose to stop participating in things you don't enjoy.

Choose to let people know you refuse to participate in any conversations that invade your privacy or process.

Get clear.

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God, help me to become more aware of when I am over-tasking myself.
Give me the courage to let go, and let You take over!
I trust You to help me be a good steward of my own heart, Jesus. Amen.


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Beating Heart

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There are some great tattoos of Sacred Hearts out there on the web!

Here's one I photo-shopped. I thought it was so gorgeous with all the blue action going through it. Then I realized, this is the "Beating Heart", because initially our blood is blue, as it's going through the vein system of our bodies.

Non-traditional, or alternative healers will often look at the vein system in people who are in pain, to see where the blood is getting blocked. This is how they can get to the negative chi inside someone. This heart is a a healthy one.

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I recently had a healing session with a woman who practices a form of Tui Na. To my dismay, we discovered my tonsil was paralyzed, pulling on the muscles above my heart, not allowing blood to get through! All this time (for over 4 years) I thought there was something "wrong" with my heart... When all my heart was trying to do was just "trying"...
(It just goes to show what a soldier your heart can be.)

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God, help us not to be destructive about how we handle our hearts, or the hearts of others...
It's karma,
and it always comes back on us.


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Here's My Heart

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Here's My Heart, Lord... There is so much change going on, Lord... Each day I feel as if my heart is mutating in time. I feel You molding me, shaping me, shaking the negative chi out of me. I'm trusting in You, Jesus. I wish I could break it down...! I wish I could say what's really on my mind and place it here, entrust it to You, and give it away so I can get clear. Day by day my heart feels more and more like clay... And it's just enough to surround myself with LOVE.

Help Our Hearts, Jesus.



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Jesus, You gave me everything...

You have got to help me break it down; I have so much anger inside. My heart burns for the pain of being human. I am present here, watching how we destroy the earth... Bring cruelty to animals... Neglect and repress our spirits; how we indulge in waste... Treat one another as being disposable!

And that's just the beginning...


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There are many great misunderstandings, much unresolved anger between people because... I think it is human nature for people to hear only what they want to hear. So some people say they are hearing, when in actuality they are controlling, distorting, perverting, and never resolving. Forgive me, for trespassing, Lord...

There is a difference between listening and hearing.

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To really hear someone, you have to listen with your heart.
And
sometimes you have to ask for the same in return.

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We deny our actions,
responsibilities and good intentions, good health.
I am present with You here, God,
burning inside...
Like Fire.

Maybe it's just not me, God.
Some people are not making it, are they?
Some people are getting more than sick inside.
What will the Rapture be?
Tell me, Dear Jesus!
Will it be like some great collective heart attack?

I can see that.

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What is happening to the people? What is going on here, God, that we are hurting so badly?

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Why did you hurt me?
You, who stole from me, lied to me, denied me, raked me over the coals?
Condescended and abused, leaving me bruised?
You who blamed and presumed,
copped an attitude;
tuned me out,
and
reduced me to begging...?

WHY?



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hurt

Me.

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The Root of All Evil

These are just my opinions about being female and living in a "man's" world...

It seems to me American society has somehow forgotten, displaced or erased the immanence of the female species by recruiting us into the worlds of trade, purchasing and functioning as commodities. Somehow we, ourselves, have been misguided... Into thinking our abilities to reproduce and nurture are not useful or important (unless it comes in the form of motherhood). Many of have chosen not to have babies, or are deprived of being able to settle-in with children we could care for because children also need persons such as fathers; and without fathers, it is is very difficult to provide.

So it seems we live in a country where a lot of good things are happening, but we are unable to let good things into our lives. The trends in our country have not done much outside of condoning self-indulgence, self-service, self-absorption and isolation. Refugees come here and join us in a place where a primary pastime is to lick our own wounds, and not take any real action to get healed. Yet, at least, many refugees are connected with community in such a way we Americans might have something to learn.

The problem, the root of all evil is that licking your wounds, and being pressured to do so only results in depression.

The challenge might be to learn more how to relax and be ourselves without hurting others in return?

Instead, we live out each day, year after year with the reality that mistrust, bad people and bad strangers are what threaten our well-being and abilities to function successfully in the world.

Do we, as women, really like the American way of life? I think the answer is no. And that, on a very basic level we are just working very hard to survive. Instead, I would invite you to start thinking about the quality of your life, the people you work for and with, and reevaluate your role in those areas where you are putting your power and energy. If, on a very fundamental basis you don't believe in what you are doing for others, it's time to stop.

Black Madonna, by Larry Contrappo, 1999

The New Era of President Obama is one that invites people to start becoming more than just active participants in their lives, but to learn how to become more responsible to one another (as opposed to "for" one another). We are a very educated country where all people have access to information, tools, and resources that can help and empower them. There are no more excuses for ignorance. From this stand, all people are responsible for their own happiness, and have choices, options, and possibilities in creating that happiness for themselves and others.

Women have an innate understanding of what this means, because we are natural helpers and healers; we are taught from childhood to be big sisters, to care for attend to those in need, to do the mom-thing. Why do we hate it so much?

How many of you contend with jealousy, hostility and bullying from other women? Are we becoming more war-minded? Is being in the world all about injustice? Not being "able" to ask for help when we need it - and get it? Are we not neglected and taken advantage of often?

How is it we are able to hold so much bad stuff inside, allowing and accepting our lives to be reduced to something pornographic? while the media around us exploits the image of the female (and her children) to the extent that we are treated as if we are dogs? or bags of dirt? or something worse?

I would urge you to start asking for help from good people. Start talking to others about the bad things you have been holding inside, the bad things that have been hurting you deep down for years and years. Surely there is someone out there, a professional perhaps, who can help you to start changing some things up.

All your life, you have had people telling you you can do anything. All your life, you have been surrounded by others who can only focus on the bad, and who pressure you to do the same. But today is a new day, loaded with all sorts of opportunities that could help you help yourself redirect the power of your life. We are so very lucky to be here, in America, for this reason!

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